50.

Risin’ on the grouchy side of a Metaphysical Monday but cloudy and kittens kept me up all night mood related. I have nothing in life to be grouched towards. In fact, past my surfaced mood I feel will surely leave me by the afternoon I am holding major blessings in the spirit and excitement that outside my bedroom window I hear the sounds of my new greenhouse made from old windows gathered and given going up. We spent the entire Summer talking it out, and most of Fall to get to today. So, whilst I listen to the build I thought I’d slow down and do a quirky blog. Mainly a writing exercise to push past some of what has kept me from publicly writing. This blog is simply a reintroduce sort of vibration. Because you knows, I am ever changing…here goes 50 odd or not so odd facts about me.

1-It needs to be said that age wise I love being 50 and am 100% here for what the next decade brings. I do not however like the pain in my bones. No.

2-Music is the daily go-to for anything. I cannot imagine a day where I am not lost in some tunes. I will travel pretty far to see a band. And I pray I NEVER lose the desire to do so. Currently obsessed with Trevor Hall!

3-I am someone who says out loud on the daily what I am thankful for. Holding gratitude this way truly goes a long way in your spirit towards anything you do not understand or feel too deeply. I am more humble in things than most know.

4-I love to design. I love creativity and crave it daily in the routine. I am extremely visual.

5-I hate to read instructions.

6-I didn’t learn to cook and cook with positive intentions until my 40’s.

7-I am a late bloomer in things and quite okay with that.

8-I am studying herbalism and all things plants these days.

9-We are currently building our 4th greenhouse between the city and coastal homesteads. I am super excited about it!

10-I use to love to entertain, but these days it is only with a super select few. I miss more one on one’s in my home with beautiful chatter than I do hosting a bunch of parties.

11-I finally obtained a college degree in life last October 2022. Only to not want to become a therapist in it. But still going in the direction of helping people in life.

12-I hold two homes in life.

13-I have learned to work on the things you want most to manifest and come to fruition on the very very down low. As mush as people wanna wish you well they really don’t so sharing what you are up to isn’t always a good idea. If it is something I am super passionate about you won’t hear about it until it is going up like the new greenhouse frame outside. This doesn’t make me vague or secretive. I don’t go out of my way to not share. It is okay in a world where one overshares on social medias daily to keep some things to yourself.

14-I am truly a cemetery gal. I find great peace in them. I have been roaming, hanging out in them since I was a child. I would skip school in Blythe and sit at my grandfather’s grave (whom I never knew) and watch the truency officers drive by. Nobody ever looked there. They always thought I’d go to the river (and I could most always be found there too).

15-Speaking of rivers, I am still driven towards water. I love living near water.

16-I am almost always barefoot. I hate wearing shoes.

17-I can no longer go days without rest and will become extremely emotional. Lack of sleep equals some ugly gal crying for me.

18-If the moon is in the waning phase I am super extra sensitive on top of naturally being a sensitive person. So, if you are wanting to deal with me on something and the moon is waning hold warning to my reaction.

19-I do not care that I cry at most things. I have actually grown to love this about myself. I am grateful to release in joy or sorrow. I cry out of joy at concerts and I’ll cry out of sorrow of something truly taxing on the heart. Some memories still make me choke and I accept that.

20-Death does not make me uncomfortable. My spirit holds a level of compassion that I have often lately thought about volunteering at a hospice.

21-I love all kinds of books. Not just one genre. New and the very old.

22-Judy Blume is my favorite from childhood author, Anne Rice from teenhood to early adulthood and Alice Hoffman the last few decades. Charlane Harris. Adrienne Young.

23-I absolutely love poetry.

24-I consider 24 a lucky number.

25-I love to people watch. LOVE IT!

26-I am currently trying to grow climbing Jasmine up my bedroom window so in the Spring my room will fill up with that scent. IYKYK.

27-I am a documentary watcher. Currently obsessed with gardening ones but really I watch ALL kinds.

28-Meditation is a huge thing with me. It has taken me four years but I can meditate up to an hour without falling asleep. It has been a game changer in dealing with my physical, emotional and mental health. I can become pissy if I haven’t meditated.

29-Seasonal Depression can grip me. I didn’t understand it until my 40’s. Infrared lamps help a great deal. I start building up a defense around this time of year to push me through Winter in it. I do ALL kinds of things to pre-game in it.

30-I am aging more and more towards being health nut in life. I am sometimes upset with myself that I didn’t grasp it’s importance until now. There is so much one can do in their 20’s to ease some things down the road.

31-Moving is the best thing you can do for pain, for heavy emotion sitting on your spirit, anger…firm believer.

32-Becoming a grandmother has been next level for me. So much made sense the minute G’ma-hood landed. I am here for it!

33-I loathe being held to the past. Lately I have been dreaming of the past but via tv shows I watched…and all I see in the awakening hours of my days are that I’d rather be present than hanging out in the past. Past narratives people hold current. Past mistakes. Past pains. I am not hear for any of it. I am however here for changing narratives, making new memories and releasing past wounds.

34-I love all things moon related.

35-I can binge watch the mess out of some tv in life. I love love love to watch tv.

36-I am slowly learning to like listening to podcasts.

37-Summer is my favorite season.

38-I think menopause sucks and I am almost always grouchy about it.

39-I am a mother of two beautiful adult daughters and one funny teenage stepson.

40-I aim to own a “haunting of the state” book from all 50 states and then move onto other countries. I love to read that stuff.

41-Tacos ARE NOT my favorite or first choice when it comes to Mexican food. Nachos and Tamales are the favorite. There isn’t much I don’t like. I love Latin food first in the day, Greek second…

42-I enjoy crafting. Especially with the loves and seasonal decorations in it.

43-I collect vintage and antiques chairs, it is a problem.

44-I also love vintage lighters, pipes, etc…depends on my mood and what finds me.

45-I love to get lost in a long drive. One time the Pelican and I had traveled to a small town for some Christmas love and landed on a road that said, “the road ends here.” It was too funny. I intend to print that and hang on the wall somewhere.

46-I will choose comedy and laughter in the day over everything else. I will go to sleep listening to comedy just so something in the day doesn’t hang wrong within me.

47-I am in love with my life and the home(s) made in it. In fucking love with it.

48-I am agorophobic and wish people would be kinder about it. I can only leave the house with certain people. I am always working on it. I managed to leave the house and go for a walk for the first time in years this past month. I literally cried in it but kept going. It blows my mind how hard something like walking outside can be, or checking the mail. It can be lonely. But I am not ready to give into this locking thing so I fight pretty hard towards it NOT rooting. I deal. I can no longer apologize to those who are mad at me for not coming to them. It is bigger than that.

49-I dance almost daily in life.

50-I miss my mother daily and wish she would lay her shit down. I wish she would find her way to me like I know I would my daughters. I wish she would find her way to me the way she does others in her life. I miss a select few for sure. Sending love to it. I hate DWSP, but not you.