It’s been well over a year since the last blog. From Spring to Spring here we are. Most of the time the things I have to say, need to say, just chase each other around and around in my head. I rarely put them in a journal these days…it has only been most recently did I even realize I wasn’t picking up a pen or typing anything out….in fact, the other day while meditating my mind got so caught up in grief that I wrote a poem during it. I just had to stop and write. It came out sounding like a hymnal. Which was fitting in the moment. Tucked neatly away in my journal not yet shared with anyone.
During my 49th year around the sun, I realized some of why I was struggling to write wasn’t writer’s block but the lack of understanding who the audience was. In the past, well, I have always known. Even back in the writing on Myspace days, huge yes on the LiveJournal front, but here I have no strong clue. No feeling in it.
So in that I have held fear in where my words land, how my words will be perceived…instead of just writing and not giving a fuck if someone is offended or thinks I am wrong. Even when I have used my words in text with them directly I am still told I am wrong so why should I care here if they land the wrong way on you? I shouldn’t. I no longer can care. My fears of how you read this are burning fast like the magick candles dripping away in the fireplace. Daily. Nightly. Weekly. Monthly…and into the next year we go with it. Moon phase after moon phase.
Going forward with the blog holding site of healing and healthy expression ALL OF YOU need to know, understand that my words are not personal for/to you, but personal for/to me. You no longer have the power over what I say, how I say it or whom I say it about. My truths, as I have said many times before, are mine and mine alone. And unlike most of you, I am quite comfortable with being alone. The quiet is a welcoming feeling. I do not give two shiny pennies found on the ground if it pisses you off, hurts your feelings, whatever’s….examine where you really speak to me before you react to me. Most of you have chosen the “I am just peeking in” attitude so don’t get all butt hurt in it. Turn the tunes up and just get over yourselves in it like I am forced to get over you.
The Ramblings of an Aging Woman... 